Year-end Scare

I was prepared to learn I needed more treatment. I've been through this so many times before, and I recognized the symptoms. They felt exactly like the symptoms that led to my last recurrence. But, hallelujah, my scans yesterday were normal. 

I have never been so happy to be wrong. I'd told only my family and closest friends that I was being re-evaluated; this morning, I felt terrible for having worried them.

A few thoughts for Healthy Survivors:

• The same symptom(s) can be caused by a variety of problems.

• False alarms are part of the landscape of survivorship, as described in "Duds."

• Symptoms and problems need medical attention, whether or not they are related to past illnesses.

• Close friends and family can't be protected from the ups-and-downs.

Comments

[Adele]

So grateful for the end of the year good news. I'm glad to share the "dud" times, too! Happy New Year.

[Michael]

Congratulations on the news. I am ending the year with CT scans(as I started the year) for a chronic cough and hopefully a persistant cold is the reason. Hope 2009 is full of good news and fun.

[Wendy S. Harpham, MD]

Dear Michael,

I hope you get good news, too.

My scare also reminds Healthy Survivors that thinking the news might be bad (and even imagining telling people and picturing yourself undergoing more treatment) doesn't mean the news will be bad. Negative thoughts don't cause cancer or other serious illnesses.

With hope, Wendy

[Jeanne M Hannah]

Whew! What good news! It brightens my day. Jeanne

[Roz zakheim]

Mazel tov,wendy!
I cannot think of a happier way to begin 2000!

[deb]

All that counts is that you are well. We all love you. This is going to be the best year ever! love, Debby

[Joyce]

Wendy,

What good news! I'm so happy for you and your family.

Happy New Year

[Lori]

Thank God, Wendy. As for worrying your friends, I think that's at least partly what friends are for - to feel com-passion, to feel with you and for you.
I've been coughing the past few days, and just know there's another tumor in there - not really, but it doesn't take long for the mind to go from zero to 88 mph...
Thanks for being so candid with us.
With love,
Lori

[Debbie]

Wendy,
I am so happy to hear the Good News. I know you all must be extremely relieved. I echo Lori's comments. Friends are there for you in the good times and the difficult ones. Remember true friends really do mean it when we say "How are You?" I also believe that is easier in the long run to be prepared for bad news than to be in denial of it's possibility and then be hit with it. Wishing you and your family a happy and healthy new year.
Love, Debbie

[Polly Leshan]

Oh, Wendy, I am very happy to hear your happy news--False alarm and False hope-- I am grateful for the former and do not believe in the latter, but being alert and being hopeful are guideposts to healthy survivorship. Warmest thoughts for 2009 and love, Polly

[Joni Rodgers]

Whew. An intense way to end the year. Here's to a happy, healthy, creative 2009!

[debbie khoury]

Wendy,
So great to hear your news! I know what you mean about those scares.....I think of you often...Love your Tuscon Bus Buddy, Debbie Khoury

[Pat O'Connell]

Dear Wendy,
I am thrilled to hear that your "scare" turned out to be a dud. I think I am finally starting to develop an approach to life with my husband's ongoing cancer battle (and my recent close call) that doesn't involve automatically thinking the worst whenever something new happens. And that is in part thanks to your shining example. Rock on! Pat

[Sara Huizenga Lubbers]

My Dad has AML, Leukemia...and it won't go away. And now these new leaders of him, the ones who seemingly have held his life ever since this ugly devil of a disease crept into it, they can't do anything more to make him better. Medically speaking, we're supposed to give up.

How do you that? Just give up?

How do you give up on someone who from all outward appearances is healthy and strong? How do you accept the ending for someone who eagerly anticipates so much more life? How do you close an unfinished story, how do you snuff out an eternal flame?

[Wendy S. Harpham, MD]

Dear Sara,

Your question is important. I'll do a better job if I devote my next blog post to the beginning of an answer for you.

With hope, Wendy

[Doug]

First and foremost, glad you're Ok.

But it never does go away, does it, that feeling of dread, that fear of relapse? However, there is a 100% chance that we are all going to die someday. I prefer to think not about when that will happen, and instead think about the great things I will do with however much time I have.

I started treatment for HCL exactly six months and two days ago. My only real regret since then is that I haven't done more with the three months I've been in remission.

[Wendy S. Harpham, MD]

Dear Doug,
Thanks for caring. Honestly, I didn't feel dread, just some unavoidable anxiety. Anxiety that, if it had recurred, this time it wouldn't be as responsive to treatment. But I knew I'd deal with whatever and move forward.

I've been doing this remission-recurrence dance for 18 years. I hated having to worry my husband and kids.

You bring up an interesting topic: how to use the lessons of illness in positive ways. I think it is impossible to "live every day as if it's your last." And I don't think that's a good idea, either. If I lived that way, I wouldn't be working on this new book, because I'd be assuming I wouldn't get to finish it.

For Healthy Survivors, living fully means balancing living in the present with planning for the future.

What do you wish you'd been doing differently?

with hope, Wendy