Good Enough

Patients often contend with chronic discomforts and/or limitations. One phrase that is useful for some Healthy Survivors is "good enough." Here's why:

Imagine waking up in the morning and thinking, "I'm still so much weaker than I was before I got sick. I ache here, and this still hurts a bit, too."  The details are true, but how would you feel about yourself? Your day? Your life?

Now imagine thinking or saying, "I feel good enough." As in, "I'm doing well enough to walk to the breakfast table. I feel good enough to enjoy my friends and family. Good enough to do this or that, or go here or there."

In social settings and when I'm by myself, I have found "good enough" to be an honest and uplifting answer. All things being equal, when I see my state of well-being as "good enough" I feel better in every way. My sincere and truthful "good enough" has nourished my gratefulness and hopefulness by keeping me focused on all that is right and good. 

Of course, Healthy Survivors keep their healthcare team well informed of exactly how they are doing. Healthy Survivors don't answer "good enough" at office visits, keeping their aches and pains to themselves.

"Good enough" is a phrase that can be life-enhancing or dangerous. Take a moment to think about when "good enough" is not good enough.

Comments

[Kairol Rosenthal]

Great advice Wendy. "Good enough" in a social setting. What a brilliant balance between the two extremes that often spill from my mouth:

1. Telling the "I'm fine" lie.
2. Telling them the harsh truth of how I'm really feeling. While this goes far towards demystifying the day-to-day life of a cancer patient, it is often a conversation stopper at cocktail parties.

[Julie]

Hi Wendy,
I love that "good enough" is simple but powerful.

Along the same lines, I like to remind myself to "be all that I can be." Even though I have physical and energy limitations, I can aim to have the best possible life within those limits. I can take pride in the life and joy that I'm claiming, despite cancer.

When I remember to live MY best life, I can stop measuring myself against others. And I can stop measuring myself against the life I was living before cancer.

Thanks for the uplifting post,
Julie

[Lori Hope]

Good advice, as always! Thank you.

"Good enough" reminds me of one of my favorite essays - actually, a commencement speech by author Anne Lamott. It's not about feeling "good enough" but being "good enough." Different subjects, but worth a read,in my opinion, because it's about giving, not getting, which can feed and satisfy and fulfill us. And, it's hilarious! http://www.salon.com/weekly/lamott960624.html
Lori

[Wendy S. Harpham, MD]

Julie: I like how you link "good enough" with escape from comparisons that pull you down.

Lori: Thanks for the link. I read her book, Bird by Bird, last year. This a fun yet profound piece.

With hope, Wendy

[Lisa Thompson]

Wendy, what a great comeback.

I remember well the pitying look in people's eyes when they'd ask me how I was feeling. You get so sick of hearing that damn question!
I try to recall how I felt hearing that every single day when I ask my mother-in-law with colon cancer how she's doing. She always says "OK" because she knows nobody wants to hear a litany of complaints.

All the best,
Lisa

[Cyndi Sloop]

Wendy,

Thank you for the new social line. I learned a long time ago that saying "I'm Fine" when I'm really not didn't work. From there I started using "I'm a doin'" which isn't a lie but leaves the door too wide open and people usually ask what I'm doing about. . ."Good enough" will let those people who do not want to explore further off the hook and those that want to know more an opportunity to ask more questions.

Also, thanks for stopping by my blog and giving me some ideas on how to get through the next few days and my feelings about the upcoming loss of my breast.

[Cathy bybel]

This is a wonderful phrase. Besides being an appropriate social answer it helps me to stay centered on living right now. I can ruin a "good enough" day with comparisons to how I lived and felt pre-cancer.

I have enjoyed your blog and books very much.