Irrational Fear Takes a Seat

Doug Ulman, President of the Lance Armstrong Foundation, talks about his fear of flying in an interview for the New York Times. Doug, whose fear of flying predates his diagnosis of cancer, chalks up the intense anxiety he feels to "a control issue" and deems it irrational. Especially in light of the discussion we're having about detoxifying fears, I'd like to offer a different explanation.

Doug's fear doesn't sound irrational to me. Now if Doug expressed fear of flying when riding on a kiddie plane in front of the grocery store - where the plane rocks back and forth three feet off the ground - I'd be the first to label Doug an aviophobic.

No, Doug feels afraid when cruising 39,000 feet above the earth's surface, strapped into a seat in a large, cigar-shaped aluminum can. The odds are favorable for a smooth flight, BUT if his plane's engines fail and the plane goes go down, there is a good chance he will be hurt or killed.

So sometimes the intensity of fear is not related to the likelihood of the feared event but to its terrible-ness should it come to pass. This is a good distinction for Healthy Survivors to keep in mind. Ronni may be struggling with worst-case scenarios musings NOT because she thinks these terrible things are going to happen but because any of them happening would be such an awful thing.

Mantra for the day, to be used when appropriate:

I feel afraid of this (terrible thing) happening because I know that it is possible and NOT BECAUSE I believe it will happen.

Follow-up mantra (use whichever is more accurate for you): "Even though I fear this (terrible) thing will happen, I know it might not happen and

• I have strong hope that this (terrible thing) will not happen.
• I have some hope that this (terrible thing) will not happen.

 

Comments

[Jeanne M Hannah]

Wendy, this is the mantra that I kept taped to the letter-slide of my desk until I memorized it:

In spite of illness, in spite even our arch-enemy sorrow, one can remain alive long past the usual date of disintegration if one is unafraid of change, insatiable in intellectual curiosity, interested in big things, and happy in small ways. [Edith Wharton, A Backward Glance]

I'd use it whenever I needed it and then look for that way I could be happy in a small way. It didn't take much. Usually it was something like seeing how the sun was rising over the bay, or how full of blossoms the cherry orchards were, or how the sun behind a cloud made it yellow as a buttercup floating on a sky the color of a baby's eyes . . .

Other times I would close my eyes and transport myself back in time to my favorite cozy place and just sit there for a while.

Mantras and visualization are great tools to sooth fears or sadness. Jeanne

[Diana Ulman]

Wendy,
Thank you for your perspective and suggestions. I appreciate your thoughtfulness and wisdom. Hope all is well!
All my best,
Diana

[Deb]

It may be harder to get through those fears after seeing the airplane come down into the Hudson River.

However, there WAS a good outcome with the rescue. So, I guess focus on the most positive outcome.

[Wendy S. Harpham, MD]

Dear Deb,
I agree: We can expect to see an uptick in people's fear of flying after Thursday's sensational water landing.

This highlights the idea that we know things in different ways. We can know, intellectually, that a teeny tiny percentage of planes crash. But now that knowledge is accompanied by vivid horrifying images. To decide to stop flying planes would be to let emotions make your decisions. The risk is the same as it was before.

For most people, the advantages of air travel outweigh the risks. Certainly for me as a public speaker they do. I've seen people decline life-saving cancer treatments because they fear the side effects or aftereffects. Sad.

With hope, Wendy