Shooing Away the Hope-draining Thoughts

At the end of my last post, I promised to use this post to blog about how Healthy Survivors balance their hopes for cure with their other hopes. But Ronni responded to the post with a request: "Hey could you send me a few pointers on keeping the mind away from worst-case-scenarios?" Sure, Ronni. Anything that might help you as you prepare for your third stem cell transplant.  

Step 1: Instead of trying to prevent those thoughts from surfacing, allow them to surface and then push them away.  A wise social worker once offered me a useful metaphor: The frightening thoughts are like a big beach ball. If you are in the water, it takes a lot more effort to keep the ball submerged than letting the ball surface and then pushing it away.

Step 2: With the guidance and support of a mental health professional (such as a counselor, social worker, clergy person, psychologist or psychiatrist), "detoxify" these thoughts by addressing them. For me, talking about what would happen to my babies if my treatment didn't work, and realizing that they'd still be loved and cared for, enabled me to let go of this fear when it wasn't an immediate issue.

Step 3: Find a variety of mantras that work well for you when "the beach ball" is in your face and frightening thoughts are consuming your attention. Those that work well for me include:

• Thinking about this now is not helping me now. I can think about it later.
• Bad thought in and - whoosh - bad thought out. Byeeee.
• I'm thinking about dying because I feel sick and NOT because any molecule of me thinks I'm not going to make it.
• Pay up, girl. For every worst-case scenario I imagine I owe myself a concentrated best-case daydream.
• I'm not dying today. I'm living while getting lifesaving treatment. So I need to keep my focus on the issues at hand.
• If dying becomes an immediate problem, things may be different than they are now, so thinking about it now doesn't necessarily help me prepare.
• Oops: bad thought just slipped in. Out! Out, bad thought! Right now! Scat! Skedaddle!
• I am going to F-O-C-U-S on something happy or funny or meaningful or practical that will help me through the next two minutes. My favorite joke: How do you know if you have a thousand pounds of pickles under your bed?  Answer coming in my next blog post.

Ronni, although I've met you only through the blogosphere, I venture to guess that you can focus your attention and endure discomforts better than the average person. May I suggest you begin your list of mantras, "I'm an accomplished athlete, so I am stronger than most patients who face a third transplant. If anyone can do it, I have what it takes to get through."

        

Comments

[Kate]

Fabulous advice, Wendy. I think this applies to other settings where the mind wants to hijack your moments into worst case scenario living. Thank you for such specific examples about how to re-train our most powerful advocate, the mind!

[Carl Wilton]

Wow. What great advice, Wendy.

Carl

[Lori Hope]

Wendy, I was going to respond to this and your last post when I had more time - but that won't happen this week because I'm traveling. So this will have to suffice for now: Many thanks for addressing this, and for your sage, smart, compassionate advice.
Lori

[Kairol Rosenthal]

Hi Wendy,

I think your recommendations are excellent! I just took my first vacation in two years. While lounging in Mexico with my husband, a cool breeze in the air, birds flying above, waves crashing on the shore, all I could think about was hospice care. What's up with the morbid nasty little thoughts? I'm nowhere near that stage. I actually have a rather high survival rate even though my cancer is incurable.

Linked below is a blog post I wrote about the situation and my own fail proof method for dealing with hope-draining thoughts. Have a read if you'd like.

http://everythingchangesbook.blogspot.com/2009/01/im-back.html

Best,
Kairol

[Ronni Gordon]

Thanks, Wendy
That's a big help. I've read it twice and will return and re-read if I feel myself being dragged down.
Ronni

[Susan C]

Great advice. I love the beach ball analogy.

At the moment, I'm not dealing with an illness, but I have a few other worries that can benefit from these tips.