When "Good Enough" is not Good Enough

In my last post, I discussed how the phrase "good enough" can deflect sadness, self-pity and hopelessness. But there are times when "good enough" is simply not good enough.

Healthy Survivors get good care and live as fully as possible. Yesterday's post focused on how the notion of "good enough" can help you live as fully as possible. But this notion also can lead you away from Healthy Survivorship:

Imagine you have a fixable problem such as pain, nausea or weakness, and you decide your condition is "good enough." You may not mention the ongoing symptoms at checkups. Your doctors won't have an accurate picture of your condition, and they can't try to fix a problem they don't know about. 

If you conclude your condition is "good enough," you may not find out about or pursue measures that could lead to further improvement. Why bother? 

If you accept chronic symptoms and limitations, you'd be dragged down unnecessarily in your daily life. Symptoms and limitations (no matter how minor or tolerable in the short run) take a toll on you physically and emotionally. I like the metaphor of a backpack filled with rocks. If you say you feel "good enough" despite the added weight, you'll keep wasting energy lugging rocks instead of using that same energy for more life-enhancing activities.

So the challenge for Healthy Survivors is distinguishing when "good enough" is helping you be a Healthy Survivor or taking you on a path away from Healthy Survivorship.

Comments

[Tammy Rivers]

Dr. Wendy,

I was wondering if you have any books or materials for the caregivers of lymphoma? My husband stuggles really bad with my cancer. I have SLL/CLL and have a great deal of pain and fatigue. I have tried to locate a support group for us both to attend in our area, but have come up empty handed so far. I would really appreciate any help in this area you could give to us. Thank you for this blog for those of us struggling with lymphoma.

Thank you,
Tammy

[Wendy S. Harpham, MD]

Dear Tammy,

Your husband's journey is inextricably linked to yours, but it is different than yours. And it can be an unpleasant and challenging road.

Thankfully, many resources are available to guide and support caregivers. Two excellent national organizations are:
National Family Caregivers Association (NFCA; www.nfcacares.org) and Well Spouse Association (WSA; www.wellspouse.org) They have online information, helpful newsletters and they may have some Internet-facilitated discussion groups and chat rooms.

You can ask his oncologist's office staff for a list of support services connected with the office and the hospital, or community-based (such as Gilda's Club or Wellness Community). If you feel he would benefit from some short-term counseling, you can ask for referral to social worker, psychologist, psychiatrist or pastoral counselor experienced in oncology (or chronic illness). It might be the best time and money you two have spent in a while.

In addition, you can check out the local Yellow Pages for support services. Look under Gilda's Club, American Cancer Society, Leukemia and Lymphoma Foundation, Lymphoma Research Foundation.

Let me know if this helps or if you need more tips.

With hope, Wendy

[Tammy Rivers]

Dear Dr. Wendy;

Thank you so very much for taking time out of your busy schedule to address my question. I will check into the resourses that you have provided to me. I pray blessings upon you as a survior and your mission to help others struggling with cancer. Thank you again.

Tammy