"Grammie (Gramps), I Hate You"

My last post addressed children's need to have a safe place to express whatever they are feeling when a parent has cancer. What if the "kids" are young or middle-aged adults?

Adults, especially those sandwiched between young children (or teenagers) and ill parents, can feel angry, too. The details may differ, but the same thoughts and feelings as those listed in my previous post can apply to adult children. And just as with the kids, these adults will express what they are thinking and feeling.

In all these cases, the central issue becomes how? Adults won't return to thumbsucking or bedwetting; they have more control over their behavior and continue to function normally. Or at least appear to be functioning normally.

Negative thoughts and feelings -- the body's way of announcing a problem or responding to a problem -- are often expressed in more subtle but equally damaging ways. Adult children might say something snippy to their ill parent, as did the young man in the video that opened this discussion. Or they might mutter something cruel under their breath. It could even be something as fleeting as a sigh or eyeroll.     

So what are adults to do when they feel anger directed at an ill parent? Is anger justified? What do adult children owe their ill parents? 

Comments

[Kairol Rosenthal]

Adult children owe their ill parents respect and compassion. They should go to a support group, vent to a friend, or smash an old vase against a wall in the alley. Get the anger out elsewhere and approach their parents in a state of mind where they can express through good communication their sadness, concern, or worry that is at the heart of this anger.

Perhaps what is also needed is therapy or serious soul searching for the adult child. Often adult anger at a parent who is ill stems not from dealing with the disease, but being thrust in a pressure cooker situation where old strife, hurt, and anger completely unrelated to cancer rises to the surface.

Once again, great post Wendy.
Kairol
BLOG: http://everythingchangesbook.com/