Chapter 2 of Jane Brody's Guide the the Great Beyond is entitled, "A Good Death: There's More Than One Right Way to Die." She highlights three messages that reflect the philosophy of Healthy Survivorship:
- There is no one "right" way to live with illness or to die.
- There IS a best way for each individual.
- The "best" way may still be painful and sad.
Brody emphasizes the importance of understanding and respecting a patient's wishes. She shares the insight that many -- most? -- people "choose to die the way they lived, in character." That means some will die angry and hypercritical while others will die with grace and at peace.
Expecting every dying patient to "see the light" and suddenly walk and talk like the Dalai Lama can lead to tension and disappointment all around.
As for finding happiness, Healthy Survivorship does not guarantee happiness. Rather, Healthy Survivorship frees people to pursue happiness in a storm. For some patients who are dying, the insights and love experienced (after accepting that death is approaching) outweigh the physical trials and emotional discomforts. These survivors experience true happiness for much of their final waking hours.
For many people, the insights and love experienced while dying lead them to experience, at best, only moments of happiness. Because even if everything is done right and physical pain is kept at a minimum, the overall feeling may still be sadness for the patient and for the loved ones.
Even brief moments of genuine happiness can give meaning to challenging times. May the knowledge that things are the best they can be bring you comfort.
I found this article to be so true. Being a Hospice nurse allowed me to experience each patients different journey to death and they were all beautiful in their own way.
Posted by: Susan Allen | April 08, 2009 at 11:19 AM