Kairol asked on her blog if she should delete "Spaz" as a friend after he wrote on her Facebook wall: "Is medical stuff and malignant masses really all you are into now? … It’s like people are born again and only talk about Jesus. If this is annoying or rude, delete me as a friend and I’ll understand."
Healthy Survivors often need to talk about their illness, when doing so makes their friends and loved ones annoyed, angry or upset. What do Healthy Survivors owe others? What do others owe Healthy Survivors?
Ignoring the tension hurts everyone. What has worked for me and my husband, Ted, has been recognizing when we are dealing with conflicting needs and following some rules we agreed on:
- We keep each other informed of problems. For example, I say, "Honey, I've been anxious about ...."
- We tell each other if it isn't a good time to talk about medical issues. So if I am in need at a bad time for Ted to talk, I then lean on one of my friends or the social worker.
- We tell each other if the issue is urgent. So if Ted responds that he'd rather not talk today, I say, "This can't wait. I need us to talk about this now."
For those times of ongoing issues, we set aside a few minutes once a week or so to devote to "it," whether we need to or not. This helps us stay in synchrony.
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