She Said, "Yes."

My posts are almost always about the ins-and-outs of Healthy Survivorship, not about my day-to-day doings. When I do share personal stories, my intention is to share my experiences and insights only to help others think about how they can get good care or live as fully as possible (and not to teach people about me).

Today is different. I'm sharing personal news with the cybercommunity that has grown from this blog on Healthy Survivorship. I'm simply sharing a joyful moment of my family's life :

Last Saturday, my older daughter's boyfriend called my husband, asking if he could come by with a little Father's Day gift. It seemed a bit strange because he and my daughter planned on coming over that evening to celebrate Father's Day with a barbeque. But, hey, no big deal.

The "gift" was a preview of the ring he planned to present to her today, after they arrived in Cancun for a getaway weekend. He's a wonderful young man; we gave him our most heartfelt blessings.

After a long week of trying not to blow the surprise for my daughter, Friday finally came. At last.

Just a few hours ago my daughter called from Cancun, half-laughing half-crying. They'd gone from the airport to the hotel to drop off their bags, and then straight to the beach. Within a few steps, he stopped, dropped to his knee and asked, "Will you...?"

She said, "Yes."

Comments

[Tyra]

Thanks for sharing such a joyful moment!

[kate]

Wow!!!
So happy for her, for him, and for you and T! This is such an exciting bit of news. Congrats!

[Lisa]

Perhaps this isn't immediately a post about survivorship, but I won't be surprised if it proves to be a preview of one. I've heard so many cancer patients -- particularly mothers -- lament that they won't get to see their children married. In fact, one friend took over my wedding planning because she was convinced that she wouldn't survive to see either of her daughters marry. Surely this will give thought-provoking fodder for living life to the fullest.

Congratulations to everyone!

[Carl Wilton]

Congratulations, Wendy! We haven't had that particular joy yet, with our kids, but I'm sure the day will come eventually. What a thrill!

Carl

[Wendy S. Harpham, M.D.]

Thanks, everyone, for all your congratulations and good wishes. Really.

Lisa, you bring up an interesting point. For a moment, I hesitated to publish this post, partly because it is so personal. But also partly because I didn't want to upset any reader who, as you describe, may be struggling with fear of dying before reaching this milestone in his or her family.

I decided to post. Why? Because Healthy Survivors who can't handle this type of information right now don't have to read it. There are times when avoiding what hurts is the best path.

If Healthy Survivors read it and feel upset, that's okay, too, because expressing those painful feelings can help them know what is wrong (what exactly they fear or grieve) and to adjust.

And everyone reading the post knows I was sharing a joy, not trying to make anyone feel upset.

I don't mean to sound melodramatic, but in 1993 I was hoping to see my children graduate elementary school. My point: Having (or expressing) a fear of dying before the children are grown does not mean it is going to happen that way.

Joys are to be shared, don't you think?

With joy and hope, Wendy

[Lori Hope]

Heartiest congratulations! Thank you for sharing this wonderful news with us.
Lori

[Roz]

With hope and lots of joy to you and your family. You've gone WAY past elementary school. :)

[Bev Broman]

Mazel Tov - We are so happy to hear the good news! Shalom, Bev & Larry

[Ronni Gordon]

Thanks for sharing this wonderful story. Congratulations! I liked something you write in your responses: that just because you fear dying before a milestone, doesn't mean it's going to happen that way. When I relapsed in December, I kept saying to my sister as she drove me to the hospital, "I'm never going to see my grandchildren." (Somehow I skipped the whole wedding thing.) But just because I feared that, I like being reminded that it won't necessarily happen that way.

[Kruti]

This is awesome news, Wendy. Congratulations to your family!!

[Steve Huddle]

Wendy,
On May 11th, I was diagnosed with stage three Anaplastic Oligodenroglioma. My first thoughts turned to my lovely bride of less than two years, and to my incredible children. With two kids in college, and the third entering high school in the fall, NOW was not the time to have cancer. How about later, after we have seen our kids graduate, marry and have grandchildren. Certainly at the very least, after our ten year anniversary in the South of France we are planning for!
Timing is not for me to decide, and my time here on earth is the same way. I always knew that when hearing about things like this for other people, but now I am forced to know this more personally than I ever wanted.
The reason I like your site, and what you have dedicated your life's work to, is that it hits home for me. It's easy for me at this stage to say I am a survivor, when I won't even start my second round of chemo until this Friday. I read your words because I want to be a Healthy Survivor, for as long as possible.

[Wendy S. Harpham, M.D.]

Dear Steve,

Every day, I trust that spending my time and energy writing about Healthy Survivorship will help others infinitely more than my offering words of sympathy, such as "I'm so sorry you are dealing with this." (Your friends and family can sympathize.)

But when I get an email such as yours, I know in a whole new way
that the writing and speaking about how to become a Healthy Survivor is helping at least one real, live person. It gives me chills to think that an idea -- even the term "Healthy Survivor" -- that took me years to understand and/or develop before it helped me is helping someone else within weeks or months of diagnosis.

Wishing you strength, comfort and hope as you undergo your treatments. Let us know on this blog how we can be of service.

With hope, Wendy