Conversation 2008

Last night I delivered a keynote address -- Happiness in a Storm: Embracing Life. Since it was a local event, I enjoyed the honor of having my daughter, Rebecca, introduce me.  How cool is that?

My personal approach to helping my children -- only 1, 3, and 5 years old when I was diagnosed -- was to keep the lines of communication open and to tell the truth. Always.

Healthy Survivors keep in mind their children's three primary needs:*

1. satisfaction of their basic physical and emotional needs
2. an understanding on their level about what is happening
3. reassurance that they will be cared for no matter what happens to the ill parent

You can read a column from Oncology Times in which I simulate an interview with my three now-grown children: "Conversation 2008."

Children learn from everything they see and do. Knowing this, parents can choose to use the challenges of family illness as constructively as possible. Unwanted life circumstances can become platforms for teaching children the values, lessons, skills and outlook you'd want to teach them had you never been sick a day in your life.

The greatest gift we can give children is not protection from the world, but the confidence and tools to cope and grow with all that life has to offer.

*When a Parent has Cancer. A Guide to Caring For Your Children

Comments

[Dina Shahrokhi]

I just loved the Conversation 2008 section of your blog this morning. I feel so inspired reading about you how worked so hard to be positive with your children during such difficult times. I have recently been reading a lot about the Palestinian doctor, Dr. Abuelaish, whose 3 daughters and 1 niece was killed in his own home despite his tireless efforts to work with Israelis and Palestinians for peace. Well, this Dr. turned his sorrow into a message of the need for love and hope and better things to come, and he had been nominated for a Nobel Peace Prize for his commitment to peace in the Middle East. People like Dr. Abuelaish and you make me think "if people with such a hard life can see the light in their situation, I can definitely put this 'bad day' into perspective and try to make it better." So thank you for the inspirational message, and for your continuous lessons of hope and optimism.

[Wendy S. Harpham, MD]

Dear Dina,

Reading your comment made the hair on my arms stand up. The reasons I can do what I do include having so many inspirational role models and having the generous support of family, friends and colleagues.

Good begets good.
With hope, Wendy