Just in Case

What do you call someone who is the opposite of a procrastinator?

With my daughter's wedding still 14 months away, we have almost everything done. Just in case.

Soon after my older daughter and her fiance picked their wedding date, I had a thought: "That's so far away -- 18 months from now. What if I'm back in treatment? What if I'm too sick to attend?"

I'd like to think that the uncertainty about my health wouldn't be in the equation at all. After all, mothers-of-the-bride who are perfectly healthy could be hit by a bus, right? Well, yeah. Especially if they have a history of running across 8-lane highways and getting hit by buses.

It's ridiculous to think it wouldn't cross my mind after almost 19 years of my being in-and-out of treatment. Here's the good part -- and the reason for my posting about it:

When I thought, "What if...?", right away I knew three things

• It was just a thought, and not a premonition or prediction.
• Worrying about it would siphon off energy that could be put to better use planning the wedding.
• My family could and would deal with whatever lay ahead.

And you know what happened? The "What if...?" went out of my head almost as quickly as it came in.

The "just in case" takes the pressure off. The planning and preparing become relaxed and joyous. Cancer or no cancer, it's a great way to live.   

Comments

[Ronni Gordon]

I was just talking to a friend yesterday about the "what if" problem. She said she has a friend who says, "Don't indulge in future pain." I told her something I got from someone, and it might have been you! It was "Don't worry about an imagined catastrophe now, because then if it really happens, you will have put yourself through it twice." We know these things intellectually, but if you've been hit by the same bus more than once, it's hard not to spin off into a what-if scenario. Good that you caught yourself, and have fun planning the wedding.

[Wendy S. Harpham, MD]

Dear Ronni,
If you've read HAPPINESS IN A STORM, you may have picked it up from that. Chapter 7, entitled "Using Your Emotions," discusses ways to calm worries and fears.

One mantra of Healthy Survivorship is "It matters less what you feel than what you do with what you feel."

As we survivors of multiple bouts of illness know: The way to calm fear of tomorrow lies more in (1) accepting the uncertainty of health (2) nurturing confidence that we can deal with whatever happens (3) choosing to direct our attention elsewhere, than in convincing ourselves that our problems are over.

With hope, Wendy

[Wei Chong]

Hi Wendy,

I'm sorta that opposite of a procratinator. My family calls me "driven." I've been trying to ease back, especially after having had cancer 4 years ago.

This Halloween post was apropo for me, as it has been 4 years exactly after my original diagnosis.

When I was reading Happiness in a Storm (the book), your messages were reinforced by your blog. Pls continue. I need to be reminded, time and again.

Thanks, Wei

[Wendy S. Harpham, MD]

Dear Wei,
While reminding you, I'm reminding me, too! And if you have any topics you'd like me to tackle on the blog, let me know.
With hope, Wendy