View from Remission

My November 21st post talks about "cancerversaries." JBBB commented how she celebrates the ordinary things in life, a notion that reminds me of a poem I composed in 1991:

The View from Remission

Look up high and what do you see?
Dark clouds of cancer hanging over me.
Recurrence and death, two clouds of doom.
Fear and grief add to the gloom

Yet look all around me, it's clear and bright
because lining each cloud is a silvery light,
a glow so strong it reveals the way
peace and joy can infuse life every day.

I accept the uncertainty and lack of control.
but still miss the innocence my illness stole.
I hate cancer scares, canceling plans,
and feeling anxious while awaiting scans.

But, I love ...

the silver linings:

An invaluable education on illness and healing granted few physicians,

A new career in writing, a different but equal passion and
a way to reach more people than I ever could in my office.

A few unexpected years at home with my children
during which I've embraced the parenting I could do each day,
maybe doing a better job than I would have done
with all the time in the world.

Many old relationships made richer for having shared trying times
Incredible new friendships that would never have been born otherwise.

And an ever-deepening spiritual faith.

The intimate knowledge of what might have been lost (and might yet be)
makes me feel today, every day, in a wonderfully intense way. 
Little problems remain trivial.  The ordinary has become marvelous. 
I seek out and cherish joyful moments. 
Even unpleasant times are less painful for they are proof that I am still here.

Wendy S. Harpham, MD (1991)

Comments

[lisa]

I'm a seven year young adult survivor (Non-Hodgkins) BUT this is the first year I knew about Cancerversaries - I had always celebrated in some small way, but now have license to do it up right!

[Kirk]

Beautiful and powerful, especially these few words:

"I accept the uncertainty and lack of control.
but still miss the innocence my illness stole."

Kirk

[Joni Rodgers]

Beautiful, Wendy.

[ria]

Excellent wording! And this on a day I've been blogging about a dark cloud swallowing me... Thank you!