I'm So Sorry

The past two posts share bits and pieces of the story of Dr. Bradford Beck, a cardiologist and CEO of a major hospital who broke his neck last May. Today I want to focus on what he said to his wife, Mary, when she rushed to the scene of the accident and found him lying in the road.

"I said to Mary: 'I'm so sorry' because I knew how much this would change our lives," Berk said. "I knew what had happened to me and where we were heading." [from "The Comeback"]

My hat is off to Dr. Berk yet again.

My first thought after being told I had cancer was, "My children! Oh, no. My three children..." Like Dr. Berk, I knew where my family was heading: chemo and sickness, at best. I couldn't work. I needed help caring for my children.

Did I think about my husband? I don't remember. I just can't remember if I did or didn't. 

In the months and then years of illness, I tried hard to keep his needs in mind and give him latitude when things didn't go well.

The truth of the matter is that in recent months, 19+ years after my original diagnosis, I am still realizing for the first time -- or hearing for the first time -- about some of the fears he had and hardships he faced.

This is why whenever patients ask me for advice, I make a point of encouraging them to keep in mind that the disease or injury may have happened to them alone, but the illness or survivorship experience happens to all those who care about them.

Comments

[Susan (WhyMommy)]

True -- my husband didn't let on how hard it was for him until my treatment was over. It was a surprise to me -- and I'm embarrassed about that.

[Kelli Beers]

I just read your articole "Love and Compassion" in Oncology Times. I am an Oncology Nurse and it can be hurtful to "love" your patient. I work at an extremely small practice. We see approx 30 patients per week. I live in a small community and treat friend, family and neighbors. By the end of treatment, however, everyone is family. I like the fact that you quoted Corinthians regarding love. We cannot love like God, but we can aspire to have that kind of love for our patients. Thank you for putting into words what is so true in a caregiver/patient relationship.

[Wendy S. Harpham, MD]

Thank you, (nurse) Kelli.

For other bloggers who might like to read the piece, it can be found at: http://tinyurl.com/OT-021010

With hope, Wendy