Spectacular Survivors

Years ago at a conference, the emcee introduced each survivor sitting at the dais. Once or twice during each introduction, the audience interrupted with applause and cheers. I wondered if I was the only person who didn't feel like clapping.

What did he say that prompted the outbursts? Comments such as, "She refused to let her diagnosis of metastatic cancer slow her down," and "Even when he couldn't eat, he never missed a day of work," and "She lost her job, had multiple surgeries and courses of treatment, yet never complained."

"This is good?" I was thinking. "This is what newly diagnosed patients should strive to emulate?"

It is a scenario I've seen over and over. A recent news release called for nominations of inspirational survivors, giving example similar to the introductions above. How many stories of Healthy Survivors would not make it past the first cut because their stories wouldn't be considered inspirational? 

For those of you Healthy Survivors who are choosing to use sick days to recuperate after procedures and treatments (instead of toughing it out) or who are dealing with fears and doubts by sharing them with trusted friends and/or counselors (instead of showing only a brave face), I wish you could see me now. I am standing up and clapping loudly, inspired by your willingness to do what you have to do to be a Healthy Survivor.

In the end, the best reward is not a medal but a life well-lived.

Comments

[Andrea Gauthier]

Hi Wendy, I so appreciate your take on things! I know I'm not alone in reading the obits. Sometimes they are very inspiring. They record the impact people can have on others, by the way they live their lives. However, when I read the ones that say so-and-so struggled through many years without so much as a complaint, this keeps rolling around in my head, making me think I shouldn't complain, I shouldn't talk about what I'm going through.Eventually I come back to my senses and remember how important it is to be authentic, to feel our feelings and share them with the appropriate people. Thanks for reaching out to so many. Andrea

[Finn]

I hate the ideal of the "brave cancer patient" who soldiers on & never complains. That's fine for some people because it suits their personality, but it's not for everyone and shouldn't be held up as what every cancer patient should aspire to. I soldiered on not because that's what I was supposed to do or to win kudos but because that's what I always do.

But believe you me, I complained! As I said to a colleague at the time, it's crazy-making to have people expect you not to complain while dealing with a life-threatening illness when people are allowed to kvetch endlessly about minor ailments like colds and paper cuts. How does that make any sense?

[ria]

what a fantastic post! hallelujah! Thx!

[kerry]

Thanks Wendy...perfect post. I often wondered why others are allowed to complain about trival things but bring up cancer and feel this big hush come over everyone.

[Debby]

Were there times when you complained and times when you DID NOT complain? It's not all or nothing. There are times, moods, feelings and a place for everything.

Each person copes in their own way. These people are held up to the high esteem because they carried on with life in some way. I think that is the point, not emphasizing the point that they did not complain.

In addition, it could be to the 'outside' world they did not complain, but to their personal and close friends and physician they did open up. Of course, they may have felt they had nothing to complain about?

love
Debby

[Lynn]

Yay! i wish they would ban the "courageous battle" line from obituaries. It seems our society wants find some blame for all illness; that way, we can tell ourselves it will never happen to us. Eat right, don't smoke, don't drink, exercise, have a positive attitude, meditate, etc. and it won't get you. It is a terrible burden for all people who face health challenges.

[Susan Allen]

Love you dear Wendy! Thanks for sharing the info. about last night. Dwain really enjoyed it.
Congratulations on the upcoming wedding.
Love you!
Susan