Recovery

A member of Best Buy's Geek Squad repaired my corrupted files and recovered my addresses and emails. Hallelujah! The stressful two weeks offered lessons on Healthy Survivorship. Here's one:

A Loss is a Loss: Cancer survivors often talk of reordered priorities and no longer sweating the small stuff. But just because a computer crash is not life-or-death, I still had a right to feel upset and sad.

Some people were sympathetic. A cardiologist-friend said, "I am so sorry! It would be like me losing my stethoscope," an image I found particularly touching because my address book helps me touch the heart of others.

I was surprised by the occasional comment suggesting I deserved it for not backing up Outlook. It doesn't matter that this is true, which it is. What matters is that I was upset; Blaming me didn't help me adjust or move on.

Also, although it was helpful for me to say to myself and others, "It's just a thing," it was decidedly not helpful when someone else said the same phrase. Why is that? Because when I said it, I was in control, trying to find balance after my loss. When someone else said it, they unwittingly discounted my loss. 

Healthy Survivors know that the human reaction to loss -- any loss -- is grief. If reordered priorities make it easier to face a loss with equanimity, that's terrific. But as a Healthy Survivor, honor your grief over little and big losses, even if they are not life-and-death. 

Comments

[stage iv lung cancer]

This is true. Yeah, almost everyone would feel grief if they have loss someone dear to them, well even me. We would feel bad for losing something.

[Jonnie Hickman]

I believe that all change brings grief. Your daughter recently just got married. Along with the joy of the occasion, I bet you have went through all the stages.

Sometimes when people say things like, "lift your cancer to God, I want to say, "Thank you Mr Obvious, like I haven't already thought to do that." I don't like it when people tell me stories about how someone they knew walked their cancer with grace and was always being positive. Though they may have been positive in the times you saw them, I know a lot of survivors and we all have bad patches of grief. I pray for the loss of my life, my car, my immune system, my hair, my teeth, my job, food, my family, my friends, my pets, my sanity, and everything except doctor visits. When people say the above things to me I see it as a sign that they want to stop talking about it. I am the author of the "Lord, please give me back" prayer. The loss of most things are because of my cancer or how I reacted to it.

I have even had a pastor look me in the eye and say, "You have cancer because you are a sinner." My response was, "Does that mean that everyone has cancer?" The Bible tells me we all sin.

The next person who doesn't have cancer who says I am not acting like a cancer patient should, I'm going to show them how a bad cancer patient does act. My point is that you don't know what you will lose or how you will react to hearing, "You've got cancer."

I probably mourned the loss of your computer more than you did. So glad you are back.

Seeking Shalom
Jonnie Hickman