Grieving the Unknown

In my May 26th post, I highlighted the final message of Healthy Survivor Derek Miller. He articulated ideas that have been on my mind lately.

Miller said, "I can lament what I will never know....It turns out that no one can imagine what's really coming in our lives.... That's neither bad nor good, but it is real."

I remember how back in 1990 my diagnosis stirred a variety of fears, including that of missing out on the milestones we all treasure -- births, graduations and weddings.

So, indeed, I was acutely aware of "being there" when walking Rebecca down the aisle in December and Jessica in March. I savored the privilege of standing under the chuppah (wedding canopy), witnessing their weddings. 

Two weeks ago, the rest of the world disappeared as my son paraded by me in his cap and gown, flashing me a smile. Later that day, I took a mental snapshot when we all toasted William at our celebratory post-graduation lunch.  

 
In my bounty of joy, the surprise has been the intensity of all the ordinary moments for which I am immeasurably grateful: times my advice or support has helped one of my children through a transition or daily challenge, and times I've applauded one of their relatively small, mundane achievements.

Miller says this inability to project what we'll miss "is neither good or bad, but it is real." In my next post, I'll share my thoughts on this.

Comments

[Roz]

Mazel tov on all the happy events this year! Upon my diagnosis, now over four years ago, my greatest sadness was the thought of never seeing my son's wedding, becoming a father, etc. It still hasn't happened, but I enjoy every minute with him all the more.

[Jan Hasak]

Congratulations on being able to witness all these milestones. You have a beautiful family!

I know I was thrilled when my youngest son received his high school diploma two years ago and my middle son received his college sheepskin a year ago.
I think we are more appreciative of and find more meaning in these momentous celebrations when we have been through a cancer diagnosis and come out the other side.

Thanks for your insights.
Jan

[Wendy S. Harpham, MD]

For sure, I never take tomorrow for granted.

So when tomorrow becomes today, it is always a blessing in my life.

With joy and hope, Wendy

[Donna M]

Movel Tov on the privilege of celebrating these milestones in your familiy's life with people you love, all the while savoring the moments. May God bless you and keep you so fortunate.

[Debbie]

What a beautiful family! I know you are so proud and are "really there" in each moment you share in your family's achievements and milestones. You have taught us through your words and actions how to look forward and continue living as Derek Miller advised. It is no surprise to me that you are able to enjoy the intensity of the ordinary moments.