In Derek Miller's final post before he died of cancer at 41 years of age, he said "[N]o one can imagine what's really coming in our lives. That's neither good or bad, but it is real."
My initial reaction to his conclusion was, "That's wrong. Had my disease become terminal 18 years ago (instead of responding to investigational therapies), it would have been good for me to not know what I'd miss. Why? Because my not knowing would have saved me from unbearable anticipatory grief.
Recently I've been pleasantly surprised by new depths to old relationships and mundane experiences that have filled me with both wonder and peace. So I think, "If I knew then what I now know about all these wonderful moments ...."
But Miller wasn't talking about momentary experiences. He was referring to how events and relationships in general would play out -- careers, families, world events, and so on.
From this perspective, I agree. The human condition is that each of us lives during a small window of time filled with good things and bad things, not knowing what will happen after we are gone. And this reality is neither good nor bad; it just is.
Miller did not lament that he couldn't know what would happen in the lives of his beloved wife and children, but that he wouldn't be around to support their efforts.
Next, I'll discuss his lesson for Healthy Survivors, a message wrapped in his dying wish to his loved ones.
That's a great distinction and insight into his wise words. Sometimes we have to read over and over someone's words to grasp the deeper meaning. I agree completely with your interpretation and am relieved.
Thanks for posting.
Jan
Posted by: Jan Hasak | May 31, 2011 at 07:12 AM