In response to the current blog thread, a reader emailed me with her dilemma. With her permission, I will present her problem. [I have taken the liberty of changing some identifying information.]
The reader has been living with cancer on-and-off for almost a decade. After undergoing a stem cell transplant, her cancer has recently relapsed. She is in the process of choosing between two treatment options.
"I love and respect my doctor, but my last appointment with him was just wrought with frustration...we had a heated discussion about these two options. I would like to go ahead with [treatment X]...and I presented my case of why I felt this would be the best treatment for me."
Her oncologist disagreed and apparently cut off the conversation. Although "usually very calm and patient"...she "lost it with him that day." She felt she wasn't being listened to and raised her voice.
Well-informed and up-to-date on her disease, she resented feeling like he was talking to her as if she knew nothing.
Since that visit, she has felt distressed about her relationship with her oncologist. She apologized but still worries that she has strained the relationship.
She asks, "How could I have handled the situation better? What questions can I ask to get a better understanding and to be heard? I don't want to switch drs because this is really the first time this has happened. Have i messed this up?"
In my next post, I'll share my answer.
No, you did not mess up. Welcome to the human race.
Being the person with cancer is a much different position than being the person with years of knowledge about cancer. No one can make a guarantee that any procedure will work in your body. In the end you are the one who takes the responsibility and lives or dies with the outcome of the choice.
A sincere apology should be enough to suffice anyone's hurt feelings. If the doctor has an ounce of compassion they should be able to imagine that a person who is confronted with life and death decisions will at times be very emotional.
I wish you health and happiness in whatever choice you select.
I sincerely hope that you and your doctor are able to rise above this one incident to preserve the professional relationship between doctor and patient.
Posted by: Carol Ann Rice Rafferty | June 21, 2011 at 06:47 AM
Everyone can have a bad day now or then. The doctor could have been cut off in traffic or had a personal problem. It doesn't mean that this kind of exchange will continue. She has not messed up, but she shouldn't write off the doctor just yet.
Posted by: Jan Hasak | June 21, 2011 at 04:21 PM
Doctors, like everyone else, have bad days and sometimes let their emotions get the best of them.
That being said, having this type of response towards someone who endured the risk and trials of a SCT seems difficult to accept.
I received these types of responses, but the stakes were not as high at the time. I did change doctors as a result.
Posted by: Mike Abrams | July 25, 2011 at 04:25 AM