A Father's Lessons on Healthy Survivorship

During the 5 years David Goldman tried to reunite with his abducted son, things often looked hopeless. How did he find hope? How did he manuver that hope into action? 

Goldman's successful campaign offers some lessons on Healthy Survivorship:

• Define your top priority goals: Goldman was steadfast in his resolve to reunite with his son.
• Obtain expert guidance: With Goldman's battle staged in foreign territory, literally and figuratively, he engaged the services of expert legal counsel and abided by their guidance, even when doing so went against every paternal instinct in his body.
• Obtain support: He determined who among his friends and family members could support him through the long haul. He reached out to government agents and representatives who might be able to help. He engaged the power of social media.
• See the big picture: Goldman learned of many similar tragedies of abduction and felt less alone. He found meaning in advocating for other parents, too.
• Find ways to put boundaries around thoughts that wear you down and don't help in any way: Goldman had some success with simple self-talk, such as "I cannot think about that. I cannot 'go there.'"
• Avoid self-pity: Goldman had a remarkable ability to focus on the goal whenever self-pity began to leak into his outlook. By focusing on his goals that necessitated choosing to make painful sacrifices, losses were perceived as sacrifices -- and not the consequence of punishment or helplessness -- and thus nourished hope.

Comments

[Carol Ann Rice Rafferty]

The stress of a family member who has an alcohol or a drug addiction requires the same fortitude described in your blog entry.

Being apart of a support system relieves feeling of isolation.

A collection of simple mantras or quotes replace negative thinking with hope.

Believing in a BIG PICTURE where something larger than ourselves fills in holes created by our fear of the unknown with hope that "All Shall Be Well."

When fear is strong it never hurts to "Act as if" or " Fake it till you make it".

Thank you Dr. Wendy for your uplifting Blogs for Healthy Survivorship ;~)

[Jan Hasak]

These principles work well when one has been betrayed by a person or a circumstance, such as cancer. I know, because I've experienced both types of betrayal. And all of the coping mechanisms you've listed have worked well for me, including support groups and therapy. Thanks for your insights.
Jan

[Jonnie HIckman]

I too have had issues with trusting people who have drug and alcohol dependency. My therapist recently suggested an Al-Anon meeting. Looking for a group now.

I have also set up boundaries in my life. As an example, drink or do drugs if you want to, but take me home first. I no longer can drive. My problem is following through with the consequences when my boundaries are broken.

Also I agree that you can't make people change behaviors, you can only change you.

Thank you Dr Wendy.