Hope or Letting Go - Part V

When patients suffer mortal wounds, clinicians have to decide whether or not to encourage these patients and their loved ones to say good-bye. What's a compassionate clinician to do?

It will help if we look at what it means to say goodbye.

The phrase, "Goodbye," ritualistically acknowledges the parting -- the imminent separation. In reference to the original "God be with you," it implies wishing the departing party well. 

That's simple enough if you're talking about waving good-bye before heading off on a bike ride or hugging tightly before a trip abroad.

Good-byes at the end of life bear a greater burden: Whatever is said or done becomes part of the legacy of the person who is dying. For loved ones, the image and the message of their last interaction with the patient may stay crisp for months, if not forever.

In regards to the patient depicted in Hope or Letting Go, Jerry had only a small chance of surviving the burns over 90% of his body. The window of opportunity for a meaningful exchange between Jerry and his wife was rapidly closing.

In a crisis such as this, there is no time here for explanations. There is no time for Jerry and his wife to understand and adjust to what is happening. Nor is there time to think about the balance between hope and acceptance that helps Healthy Survivors get good care and live as fully as possible.

Meaningful good-byes are still possible, as I'll explain in my next post.

Comments

[Liz Belilovskaya]

Hi Wendy,
My name is Liz and I came across you site as I was doing research about cancer writers. In regards to your last post, saying good bye is not easy, and yes you are right that the exchange of last words tends to be rather sad and crisp in the minds of those who carry on.
I also wanted to mention a new and free social support network for fighters, survivors and supporters called I Had Cancer (ihadcancer.com). It is a place where anyone touched by cancer can come together to connect with others, share information, support and get supported by others. It is not a medical site, but a place for you to find others in the same shoes. If you would like more information please contact me at liz@ihadcancer.com or info@ihadcancer.com. We would be really thankful if you can write about us in one of your posts on your blog. Please let me know if you would like to do that. Either way,

Thank you and enjoy your day -Liz
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