The Cancer Card

When I was dealing with a hassle of ordinary life, someone asked me, "Why didn't you play the cancer card?"

Trying to get VIP treatment by telling others you have special needs affects everyone involved. Assuming you do have a health challenge, asking for special treatment can have benefits. It may reduce stress, if the special treatment resolves the problem more easily. It may add an upside to something that has mostly downsides. And it may offer others an opportunity to feel needed and useful by helping you.

But playing the cancer card can cause problems, too. It reinforces the feeling that you are different, which can hamper your ability to hold on to a sense of normalcy in the setting of illness. It can lead to anger, frustration, sadness and helplessness if the person responds, "So what? Get in line." And it can alter ongoing relationships in negative ways.

Healthy Survivors think about the consequences of "playing the cancer card." Especially in the setting of ongoing or important relationships, they talk it through to be sure both parties understand each other and are on the same wavelength regarding how to respond to problems and hassles.

Comments

[Jonnie Hickman]

The "Cancer Card" is a reference in a book called Crazy Sexy Cancer by Chris Carr. Personally, when I use it in conversation it is a joke. Pre-Cancer, I was pretty funny and most people in my life know that I at times make pathetic attempts at being funny. I can see here with your post how it can be misunderstood and cause bad feelings. I would never actually use a cancer card to call attention to special needs, but having to ask for help isn't easy and sometimes being independent is a stronger desire. Also, going without is a better response at times than asking and being made to feel like people are responding out of duty. It is also easier to say you are avoiding church because of the flu than to say it has become too much to take a shower to go. Thanks Doctor Wendy. Eye opener.

[Jan Hasak]

That is so true about the cancer card. I have played it, but only in limited circumstances. Overusing it can be destructive to relationships. Thanks for the enlightening post.
Jan