Tell Me What's Wrong, But Don't Complain.

Patients sometimes get into trouble because they don't want to complain. I'd like to suggest a simple solution.

"To complain" is to tell of your aches and pains. Some patients are reluctant to share the details of their discomforts (physical or emotional), since complaining carries connotations of whining, grumbling, moaning and groaning with overtones of dissatisfaction or resentment.

The key issue for me is this: Why are you describing your symptoms?

If doing so is a means to addressing the problem, you are not "complaining" but "reporting." Describing your symptoms helps your physicians understand clearly what ails you. This reporting makes it possible for them to respond with proper evaluations and treatments.

Telling your family that you are in pain helps them understand why you are irritable or why you can't do something as expected. This reporting makes it possible for them to respond in helpful ways. 

In contrast, people who tell others about their problems but have no intention of seeking help, accepting offers of help, or making changes that might help are complaining, in the negative sense of the word. And such complaining can be most annoying to hear.

Healthy Survivors don't hesitate to report problems, no matter how big or small, because such reporting begins the healing process. Reporting problems is an essential step toward getting good care and living as fully as possible. 

Comments

[Brian (DocSwill)]

Oh Wendy!
This has my 81 year old mother written all over it! While in re-hab she will wait and tell ME everything without informing her doctor! Drives me crazy! "I don't want to be a bother," she says!

Do you find this to be more prevalent in the elderly?

Peace Brian

[Jeanne M Hannah]

Wendy, I agree with you. Reporting symptoms is the only way to get them addressed. I recall when my mom had diarreha, but she couldn't even tell her family, let alone her internist. I was truly grateful when her internist responded to a telefax from me asking her to schedule an appt with Mom to investigate this.

Still, Mom did not report the problem because she was humiliated by her fecal incontinence. Near the end of the appointment, her doctor gently said, "I'm wondering if you're having any side effects from your medications. I see two on the list that could cause diarreha. Have you experienced that . . . because if you have, we can fix it." Imagine Mom's relief when she learned that her problems "weren't her fault" and could be fixed!

[Wendy S. Harpham, M.D.]

When I was in practice and still today, my impression has been that elderly people, in general, are less likely to report signs and symptoms to their physicians. That's not to say it doesn't happen in younger populations, too. Many patients want to appear tough or they want to be "a success story" and not disappoint their physicians.

So clinicians and caregivers need to find ways to ensure the physicians know the real story.

With hope, Wendy