Jane Brody, the NY Times Personal Health columnist, has been guiding Americans on matters of health since 1965. On occasion she offers readers a glimpse into her personal life, such as the time she described the uncontrolled pain she suffered following her knee replacements.
This week, Jane Brody shares a deeply personal life event in real time: the dying of her husband of 43 years.
She titled the column, "When the Only Hope is a Peaceful Ending." and opens with the irony: "When I wrote Jane Brody’s Guide to the Great Beyond, I had no idea that I’d be putting its precepts into practice in my immediate family within a year of publication."
In Brody's trademark clear style, she describes her husband's rapid decline. Yet there is a sense of calm in the midst of unspeakable sadness. Since she and her husband had discussed the difficult choices, she was confident when making the difficult decisions. With end-of-life planning done, she could focus her attention and energies on saying good-bye with love.
That was the whole point of writing her latest book. Preparation enables you to die the way you hope to die.
Preparation is a gift to your loved ones, too. It enables them to advocate for you. And it frees them from ever wondering if they did right by you. From ever saying "I wish I knew then what I know now."
Thanks for the lessons, Jane Brody. My sincerest condolences.
Jane Brody wrote an amazingly personal article. It fit in well with a lecture I heard at the Simms Mann Center for Integrative Oncology at UCLA last week. Rabbi Wolpe, a lymphoma survivor himself, remarked that the urge to keep a patient alive at all costs is often to comfort those who are left behind rather than really to help the patient.
Posted by: Roz | March 21, 2010 at 09:31 AM
One thought that may help in end-of-life situations is helping families perceive comfort-only care as being proactive, and not as "doing nothing" or "letting nature take its course." Choosing to stop futile treatments protects patients from avoidable suffering.
And Rabbi Wolpe's point is key: End-of-life care is primarily concerned with the patient and not the loved ones left behind.
With hope, Wendy
Posted by: Wendy S. Harpham, MD | March 21, 2010 at 09:58 AM
Here's an article about the medicalization of life that almost fits this discussion. http://www.latimes.com/news/opinion/la-oe-welch15-2010mar15,0,6629446.story
Posted by: Lisa | March 21, 2010 at 10:27 AM
Dear Lisa,
Thanks for the link. Good piece. With hope, Wendy
Posted by: Wendy S. Harpham, MD | March 21, 2010 at 11:10 AM