20 Years Later: Why Me?

The details of certain awful moments stay fresh in your memory, such as where you were and what you were doing when the planes hit the World Trade Centers on the morning of 9/11/2001.

For me, one of those painful moments occurred on a Tuesday morning in 1990. Twenty years ago today, my oncologist walked into my hospital room and gently told me I had cancer.

This anniversary stirs two main emotions.

(1) I feel indescribable gratitude for: 

• landing on the good side of bad statistics
• receiving expert and compassionate medical care
• having insurance and access to all available treatments
• being supported by friends, family, my rabbi, strangers
• the unwavering love and many sacrifices of my husband 
• discovering my abilities to write and speak professionally, and the opportunities to use them to help others

(2) I feel humbled by the great mystery of my survivorship. In the course of my 20-years-and-still-counting journey, I've lost friends and family -- many of whom were diagnosed after me. I can only wonder why Wendy Schlessel Harpham is still walking, talking, writing, speaking, eating, loving and...living. Why me?

Today, with both gratitude and wonder I honor those who have helped me and the memories of those who have gone before me, consciously choosing to embrace life each day. And I recommit to fulfilling my obligation to my survivorship by doing whatever I can to help others become Healthy Survivors.

L'chaim! To Life!

Comments

[Debby]

Dear Wendy
We all celebrate this day with you. Twenty years and still counting [a play on still ticking]. You're just like a timex watch, there's no stopping you. From analogue to digital, you are living in the modern age and doing wonders.

love
Debby

[Donna M.]

Bravo! Your "glass is always half full" approach to life is an important emotional and spiritual element to survivorship. Keep on keeping on!

[Wendy S. Harpham, M.D.]

Dear Debby and Donna,
Thank you for celebrating with me!
With joy, Wendy

[Ronni Gordon]

Congratulations!

Naturally I thought that the headline "Why Me?" would refer to that question that I still can't help but ask from time to time: "Why did this happen to me?"

Thank you for this reminder to look at the question from the many positive angles. Your strength and optimism are an inspiration.

[Lisa Escaloni]

It's been a little over a year since I started my cancer journey. I will be getting my medi-port taken out next month. I also applied to be in a clinical trial. Whether I get the drug or placebo, I will be helping future breast cancer survivors. You have been an inspiration to me. Thank you.

[Joni Rodgers]

Peace, joy, love, and strength to you, my dear fried -- along with another 20 years of blessing and uplifting others as you've blessed and uplifted me.

[kate]

I remember that November 1990 when I heard from you. I was so frightened by the news, stunned, and concerned. I kept thinking that this was so wrong, that you had so much to give to your family and to your profession, not to mention so much more life to live. I'm so, so happy to know that despite the journey, with sometimes unpredictable and imponderable turns, that you are a vibrant force and inspiration to many. Mother, daughter, wife, teacher, writer, doctor, patient, woman. Woman!!!

[Lori Hope]

L'chaim, indeed!

It's tempting to say, "Happy Cancerversary", but of course no matter how much you and legions of othrs have gained from your experience, the two words, "happy" and "cancer" just don't seem to go together.

So....Why you? Why me?

The more relevant question is how can we use it? You have used this wretched disease in remarkable ways and I am deeply grateful to you. You have shown us by example that you can use, face, and conquer cancer. And that healing happens.

I sometimes experience survivors guilt, and even guilt over not undergoing more grueling treatment (I'll be writing about this soon). But no one gets out of here alive, and we just have to play the hand we're dealt with as much integrity and kindness as possible.

You certainly have.

With love and always hope,
Lori

[Wendy]

Thank you, everyone. Really. Wendy

[Ellen Levine]

Wendy,

What a solemn anniversary to recognize-mazel tov! We just had our second Strengthening Our Schools conference in October, featuring many talented professionals from New Jersey. 150 school professionals attended who will hopefully be able to better support students who are affected by cancer. We think of you often!
Warm regards,
Ellen Levine, LCSW
Program Director
The Wellness Community of Central New Jersey

[patti fields]

And why NOT you? Perhaps that is the question. We honestly don't know the answers to many questions, do we? All I know is your "strength" has always been an inspiration to me. Congratulations for not only falling on the good side of bad statistics but for taking life by the horns and allowing yourself to be healed and redirected.

Thanks to your willingness to do that clinical trial, I am also here today on the same good side of bad stats. You are a blessing. Patti Fields

[Jonnie Hickman]

Dr Wendy,

Thank you so much. I just wanted to tell you that you inspire me. I sent you an email with some of my poems in it a bit back. You said to me in an email that you hoped that I was sharing them in a blog. I am now.

I think that awareness and sharing plays such a huge role in healthy survivorship and it gives each of us the chance to be teachers and turn something "Bad" into something "GOOD!" I have gained more knowledge at times from fellow survivors than my medical team.

Those dates that we pass stick out and at times, bring me sadness, at other times gladness. The date you found out.... The date you were supposed to be gone by... The date you started Chemo... The date that you had to stop working... The last time you spoke or spent time with good friends... All the dates that to others seem to not matter.

Today, I will celebrate you. On 11/18...I will celebrate my dad's birthday and my step-dad's death date. On November 22, I will celebrate my first grandchild arriving by c-section. On 11/25, like every year, I will send my child, my book of year-long lists of things I am thankful for...(And eat some Turkey).

Bless you!

[Kirk]

Wendy,

Your story and post are a wonderful way to move towards Thanksgiving. Thank you for all the great teaching and encouragement for healthy survivors and their supporters. Some of your words are on a mirror at home, and help to start every day off the right way.

Kirk