On my January 28th post, Lori commented about one's obligations to survivors whose belief in the power of positive thinking precludes their getting effective therapies.
Do you say something? Do you forceably drag your friend in to see a doctor? Are you your friend's keeper?
Your intent may be wholesome, but there are boundaries around what you can say and do. Assuming your friend is not psychotic or unconscious (in which case, call 911), here are some thoughts, excerpted from When a Parent Has Cancer:
Being a support person carries its own hardships....[Y]ou can't make the decisions or take charge of the problems....
Premise all your words and actions on your belief that ...you respect their right to choose how they handle their crisis. Make it clear...they are in control of how much you help, and that you will respect their wishes....
Stay alert for windows of opportunity to mention your concerns. Unless...[they] ask you not to bring up the topic, try again and again....
When the chemistry simply isn't good for sharing your thoughts....try getting the information to the...[patients] through one of their close friends, clergy, or someone else they trust and respect....
Ultimately, it is their life and they have a right to live it their way. Recognizing and respecting your limits in their lives is one of the ultimate expressions of love.
Thanks for that, Wendy. Very well-put - and worthy of printing out and placing into one's "Friends and family with cancer" file! It also makes me want to pick up your book again. It's been too long.
Lori
Posted by: Lori Hope | February 04, 2011 at 05:49 PM
Lori,
The excerpt was written to help people who are worried about the children of someone who is dealing with cancer. I hope to help such support people find the balance of pushing hard enough without pushing too hard to get parents with cancer to address the children's needs in healing ways.
But I believe the message applies equally well to support people trying to help a loved one get good medical care.
I'm glad you found it useful.
With hope, Wendy
Posted by: Wendy S. Harpham, MD | February 05, 2011 at 09:02 AM