When young parents are dying, they face the loss of everything they know and hold dear. Arguably their greatest pain is losing the chance to raise their child(ren). To help such parents find hope in desperate times, I offer a suggestion:
"You can help your children prepare for and deal with their loss by creating a memento to leave behind." [from When a Parent has Cancer, p.96] In particular, I encourage parents to write letters designed to be opened at special occasions, such as birthdays and graduation days.
My belief in the healing power of parents' letters has been reinforced over the years by many real-life stories of loss and love.
To see how a letter can help parents and children heal, please take a moment to read a short essay by Stephen F. Duane, MD, of Park Nicollet Methodist Hospice Program: "What a Difference a Letter Can Make."
I know a young mother who left behind two small boys. She made a little children's book for them with pictures from her life and inspirational sayings. The boys, now in college, treasure that book more than anything. xx
Posted by: Jan Baird Hasak | August 06, 2012 at 08:36 AM
My daughter-in-law has a malignant brain tumor and has 3-year-old twins. I'm going to keep this on hand.
Posted by: Marcy Heinrichs | August 06, 2012 at 09:07 AM
I read this blog post and the linked article a few days ago. Last night I happened to watch a movie on TV. I wish I could think of the name of it. It was about young parents with a preemie (23 weeks gestation). They bonded with her at the hospital and finally brought her home after 6 months in the NICU.
Then Mom's cancer recurred--metastacized in her lungs--incurable. The neonatal nurse who helped the couple through the 6 months of critical care suggested to Mom that she write letters to her child to open on landmark days such as birthdays, graduation, wedding.
What a fabulous idea. I also like Jan's suggestion about a memory book. Not only will the preparation of these help the children in the future, but it seems to me that Mom benefits by moving through her stages grieving her own losses.
Posted by: Jeanne M. Hannah | August 08, 2012 at 06:32 AM
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Posted by: Cancer Movies | January 31, 2013 at 08:20 AM