Wendy Harpham on Healthy Survivorship

A Purple Card for Papa

In "The Healing Power of a Selfie" I shared an essay by Melanie Di Stante. She also wrote a children's book for families dealing with cancer. 

Keeping Cancer a Secret

Yesterday, Dr. Mikkaela A Sekeres addressed, "Keeping Cancer a Secret." He was prompted to write the essay after learning that a patient had been keeping his diagnosis of myelodysplastic syndrome [a pre-cancerous condition] a secret from his grown children and their children.

The patient explained, “'Our son has been away, doing a couple of tours of duty in Afghanistan,” he said. “We were going to tell our daughter, but. …” He paused, trying to find the right words. “It wouldn’t be fair, for her to know, to have this burden, and not him. We were planning on telling them when we’re together over the holiday.'”

Dr. Sekeres offers a few possible reasons, including "'sometimes the one thing that we can control is whom we tell...Some [reasons] are very personal (it’s my body, and what goes on inside it is my business). Some are professional (the screenwriter Nora Ephron kept her myelodysplastic syndrome a secret because she feared that no insurance company would sign off on any movie she tried to make). And some are altruistic (we don’t want others to bear the emotional weight of knowing).'"

His conclusion? "It’s our job, as doctors and nurses, to be deliberate in asking our patients how they will explain their cancer to others, to make sure they understand. Keeping such a diagnosis hushed, a secret from those who love and care for us, is an unfair burden we shouldn’t allow cancer to dictate, too."

Next: Do Healthy Survivors ever keep such secrets?

 

Healing Gifts for Teens

If ever an ounce of prevention was worth a pound of cure, it's when patients have teenagers at home. While most teens do okay, rattling in my head are stories of basically good kids from basically good homes who got into serious trouble:

Helping Younger Children When a Parent has Cancer

In her book, When a Parent Has Cancer: A Guide to Caring for Your Children, author and cancer survivor Wendy Harpham, M.D. stresses the importance of...regular routines.

Telling Your Youngster You Have Cancer

How you sound is as important as what words you choose. If you appear confident of being able to deal with your illness and help your children – even if you shed a few tears – they will feel comforted.

Stress of Mothers' BRCA Testing

A mother describes her distress over her daughters getting tested for a genetic mutation (BRCA) that may predispose them to the same cancer for which she was treated successfully. She knows this is not her fault, yet she feels dreadfully guilty.

Kids Cope With Parent's Hair Loss

Parents going through chemo often struggle to explain their alopecia (hair loss) to their young children. The rhyming verse in Nowhere Hair  offers a healing conversation-starter that is both whimsical and profound.

What a Difference a Letter Can Make

When young parents are dying, they face the loss of everything they know and hold dear. Arguably their greatest pain is losing the chance to raise their child(ren). To help such parents find hope in desperate times, I offer a suggestion:

Parenting With Cancer: Out in the Open

Lymphoma survivor Jen Singer, journalist and parent, just launched a new website -- parentingwithcancer.com -- to provide guidance and support to moms and dads facing the twin challenges of cancer and kids.

Grief and Acceptance - Part V (Promoting Acceptance)

The preceding four posts on grief and acceptance set the stage for a closer look at how patients can be Healthy Survivors at the end-of-life. In other words, how can you both get good care and live as fully as possible after a diagnosis of terminal disease?

Helping Misguided Survivors

On my January 28th post, Lori commented about one's obligations to survivors whose belief in the power of positive thinking precludes their getting effective therapies.

Vacation From Late Stage Cancer

When a parent has late-stage cancer with limited life expectancy, everyone wants to rewrite the expected ending. The doctors and nurses, the parent with cancer, the family's loved ones and especially the children want to make it "all better."

The Jack and Jill Late Stage Cancer Foundation

If fairy godmothers existed, cancer survivors with late-stage disease who are rearing children might ask: "Fairy Godmother, can you give my family a vacation from my illness? Please?"

Now some parents can.

(Genetic) Testing My Children

In a piece entitled"The Genes That Bind" (summer issue of CURE magazine), Journalist Charlotte Huff covers the emotionally charged topic of when and how to share information on genetic risk with children.

Too Many Lessons?

As soon as I learn something that might help someone else, I want to share it and spare as many people as I can from learning lessons the hard way. Can my advice be too much?

Your Friend's Keeper?

You've survived cancer. Now a friend develops the same type of cancer and is making horrible decisions (in your opinion). She's declining conventional therapies for a treatable cancer or deciding against telling her children she is sick. What's a good friend to do?

Conversation 2008

Last night I delivered a keynote address -- Happiness in a Storm: Embracing Life. Since it was a local event, I enjoyed the honor of having my daughter, Rebecca, introduce me.  How cool is that?

Plugging into SuperSibs!

What happens if you have a lovely lamp and a working electrical outlet, but the lamp is not plugged in? Nothing. But put the lamp's plug in the outlet and - voila! - you have beautiful light that helps you see. That's the image that comes to mind whenever I learn about excellent survivorship resources.