Wendy Harpham on Healthy Survivorship

Happy Despite Brain Cancer Diagnosis

Journalist Jeffrey Weiss offers testimony to the benefits of "hopeful acceptance"--accepting a poor prognosis while hoping for the best possible outcome. In "How I'm Happy Despite My Brain Cancer Diagnosis," Weiss shares his personal path to Healthy Survivorship: 

The Dilemma of Hoping to be an Exceptional Responder

To be an exceptional responder, you must maintain hope that treatment will work for you, even if it rarely works in patients like you.  My concern about success stories like mine and Ella Remmings' is that some people draw the wrong conclusion from stories of exceptional responders. 

When Breath Becomes Air -- Why It Succeeds

Why does When Breath Becomes Air succeed where so many other books fail or, at best, only come close? Using memoir format to offer useful lessons on life, author Dr. Paul Kalanithi had the exceedingly rare combination of all the following:

Painful Platitudes

I regret the times a stupid platitude popped out of my mouth in my efforts to comfort or support. Sadly, I'll continue to screw up because platitudes are ingrained in our culture of comforting. My hope is that the more I talk about the problem, the fewer times I'll say something that mght harm another.

When a Sister has Cancer

One morning earlier this summer, I was poised to do some writing in a crowded waiting room at my car dealership when my sister called me. "Can you talk?"

Music for Coping

An interesting article in the current issue of Arts & Health reviews the findings of a study that looked at Music as a Method of Coping with Cancer.

What a Difference a Letter Can Make

When young parents are dying, they face the loss of everything they know and hold dear. Arguably their greatest pain is losing the chance to raise their child(ren). To help such parents find hope in desperate times, I offer a suggestion:

To Survive with Cancer

James C. Salwitz, MD doesn't use the term Healthy Survivor. Still, the story he tells offers a name and face to the idea that patients in difficult circumstances can find Happiness in a Storm.

The New Me

During my first remission I began work on After Cancer, a book to help patients understand and respond in healthy ways to the medical, practical and emotional challenges of recovery and long-term survivorship. The subtitle was Your Guide Back to Normal.  

But as I struggled with my own aftereffects and then recurrences, I realized my original approach wasn't going to work well for me.

Revoking FDA Approval: Conclusion

The FDA revokes approval of Avastin for breast cancer. What's a survivor to do?

Easy to Forgive

I'd like to pass along some wise, low-tech advice for dealing with a family health crisis or family member's chronic illness: Be quick to forgive.

Hope or Letting Go - Part II

In my last post, Hope or Letting Go, I shared the story of a physician, Dr. Youn, still troubled by an incident that happened ten years ago. Since reading it, I've been bothered by some of the questions he posed.

For example, Dr. Youn asked if concern for the needs of the patient's loved ones ever take precedence over the patients' needs?

Derek Miller's Posthumous Post

Like Randy Pausch of The-Last-Lecture fame, Derek Miller loved his life and was ready to die. Only 41 years old, Miller prepared his last blog post to be published after he died of stage IV colorectal cancer, leaving behind a beloved wife, two precious daughters and extended family and friends.

Recovery

A member of Best Buy's Geek Squad repaired my corrupted files and recovered my addresses and emails. Hallelujah! The stressful two weeks offered lessons on Healthy Survivorship. Here's one:

The Waiting

In a NYTimes essay titled The Waiting, David Rakoff writes about the waiting patients are forced to endure.

Stigma of Illness (Part III)

My last post offered tips for recognizing stigma. My key message was that Healthy Survivors have a right to choose whether or not they advocate to destigmatize the disease that has become part of their life.

Today I'll tackle the challenge of dealing with this stigma.

Disenfranchised Grief

What is disenfranchised grief?

Disabusing Patients' Belief in the Power of Positive Thinking

In my last post I promised to address whether linking health to personal virtue is "good" or "bad" medicine. Followers of this blog know what I'm going to say:

Sacrificing for Healthy Survivorship

In some situations, your best choice is one that still involves some hardship, loss and/or pain. Perceiving such difficulties as a sacrifice can help patients on the road to Healthy Survivorship.

Thanksgiving 2010

Even though Thanksgiving is behind us, I thought you might enjoy reading "Thanksgiving 2010," which was published in the November 25th issue of Oncology Times.   

A Little Empathy, Please

If you're sick, you need people to empathize with you, right? Maybe not.

A Healing "Best"

Healthy Survivors (1) get good care and (2) live as fully as possible. The second criteria can pose quite a challenge in the face of losses, especially if you feel you are no longer at your best. 

Beads of Courage

Jean Baruch is a remarkable nurse who understands how to help children with serious illness become Healthy Survivors.

105-Year-Old Healthy Survivor

Esther Mauzy can teach us all a thing or two about how to become a Healthy Survivor.

20 Years Later: Why Me?

The details of certain awful moments stay fresh in your memory, such as where you were and what you were doing when the planes hit the World Trade Centers on the morning of 9/11/2001.

For me, one of those painful moments occurred on a Tuesday morning in 1990. Twenty years ago today, my oncologist walked into my hospital room and gently told me I had cancer.

This anniversary stirs two main emotions.

Vacation From Late Stage Cancer

When a parent has late-stage cancer with limited life expectancy, everyone wants to rewrite the expected ending. The doctors and nurses, the parent with cancer, the family's loved ones and especially the children want to make it "all better."

The Jack and Jill Late Stage Cancer Foundation

If fairy godmothers existed, cancer survivors with late-stage disease who are rearing children might ask: "Fairy Godmother, can you give my family a vacation from my illness? Please?"

Now some parents can.

Baby, Do You Remember?

When my three children were young, every night I put them to bed one at a time. We'd talk for a few minutes before beginning our ritual interactive songs, tucking-in, kisses, "Nighty night" and lights out.

One evening as I began the routine with my youngest, he said something that practically stopped my heart: "Mom, do you remember when...."

When Losing a Loved One Leaves a Hole

After losing a loved one, you might feel that you've been left with a huge hole in your life. The "hole" houses your sadness, loneliness and emptiness along with other painful thoughts and feelings.

Naturally, many people try to get rid of the hole, say, by trying to fill in the hole or trying to run away from the hole. Not me.

Judging Others

Rabbi David Wolpe writes a wonderful blog called "Off the Pulpit" that often offers useful messages for patients. This week, Wolpe offers a tool that can help foster healing relationships, an essential element of healing for Healthy Survivors.

The Gratitude Campaign

A recent post on Jeanne M. Hannah's wonderful Updates in Michigan Family Law blog introduced me to The Gratitude Campaign.  

Memorial

A memorial is something that serves as a focus for remembering a past event or person who died. Monuments such as the Lincoln Memorial in Washington, D.C. and online legacies such as those found on www.legacy.com are examples.

Can a frame of mind be a memorial?

A Work in Progress

When I was a child, I thought people over 40 years of age were very old. I believed they were done growing up and knew everything one needs to know. Wrong.

Now over 50 years old, I often say, "I'm a work in progress." 

Life is Good

What would you say if you got a flat tire on your way to an interview for your dream job? Or if you (or your wife) began bleeding two weeks after in-vitro fertlization? Or if you learned you or a loved one needed more chemo?

Does "Life is good!" come to mind?

What's Your Mission?

Last week in Ithaca, as a member of the Presidents Council of Cornell Women I attended a networking lunch with a group of women undergrads. When it was my turn to offer a nugget of advice, I said:

Letting Go

A prolific blogger on survivorship has decided to pull back from her popular blog. She still has cancer. So why now?

Broken Heart

In Wiesel on Hope, I unintentionally omitted one insight offered by Elie Wiesel. He said, "No heart is as whole as a broken heart." What did he mean? And what does a broken heart have to do with Healthy Survivorship?

Surviving Horrible Mistakes

Fatal Distraction is a gripping article that is not about illness, but about surviving the death of a child. Although wrenching to read, this article by Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist Gene Weingarten (2010) illustrates useful lessons for Healthy Survivors and their caregivers.

Palliative Care Doctor Refuses Palliative Care

A NYTimes story of Dr. Pardi's dying illustrates that it is difficult to project what you will think or feel when faced with a grim prognosis.

Berk is Back

You were introduced to Dr. Bradford Berk on my Feb 19th post, The Comeback Physician. I'm happy to share the update reported in the current Rochester Review: Berk is Back.

Let me draw your attention to one of Dr. Berk's key messages:

Hospice and Healing Hopes

How can compassionate physicians suggest hospice without causing the patient to lose all hope?

Flag of Names

I'm sure to some people, my flag of names doesn't look like much. To me, the ribbons tell stories of love and loss, resilience and hope. 

Redeeming Help

How do you help patients who hate to ask for help?

Spectacular Survivors

Years ago at a conference, the emcee introduced each survivor sitting at the dais. Once or twice during each introduction, the audience interrupted with applause and cheers. I wondered if I was the only person who didn't feel like clapping.

I'm So Sorry

The past two posts share bits and pieces of the story of Dr. Bradford Beck, a cardiologist and CEO of a major hospital who broke his neck last May. Today I want to focus on what he said to his wife, Mary, when she rushed to the scene of the accident and found him lying in the road.

The Comeback Physician

The cover of Rochester Medicine has a photo of the handsome CEO of my alma mater. Dr. Bradford Berk was a successful cardiologist and CEO of the University of Rochester Medical Center. An avid athlete, on May 30, 2009 he was thrown from his bicycle after the driver of a car unintentionally pushed him off the road.

Sound of Potential

A key element of the pursuit of happiness as a Healthy Survivor is seeing potential in what is left after illness or injury prevents or takes away usual sources of joy.

Facing End-of-LifeTalks, Doctors Choose to Wait

In last week's Science section of the NYTimes, Denise Grady reported on a recent study in which most of the doctors who responded to a survery indicated they would wait until their terminally ill patients felt worse or were out of options before talking about end-of-life care, such as hospice.

I was moved to write a letter to the editor (p.D4 or click here) when I read one of the possible reasons cited: fear that patients will lose hope or that physicians will “yank away” hope by talking about end-of-life wishes.

Spoiling the Ending

"You won't believe what happened today," she says. "What happened?" you ask, beginning to worry about all the possible bad things it could be. She then begins the saga, "I was going grocery shopping, and..."

Live Each Day As If It Is Your Last

CURE is a superb magazine. Excellent writing and graphics serve its mission. As its tagline says, "combining science with humanity, CURE makes cancer understandable." As if that weren't enough, subscriptions are free to survivors and their caregivers.

As a member of the advisory board, I recently submitted a guest blog post, entitled Mantra for a Healthy Survivor